The last almost 5 years, there has been a lot of change, transitions and inconsistency in our lives, but early afternoon rolls around and everyday you will find us participating in the most consistent act of our lives, and that is this little thing called nap time. Five years of naps, ours have usually been around 2-3 hours long each day, averages to over 4000 hours of nap time. That is a lot of hours for what in my mind is a seemingly insignificant activity, but as I have thought about it, these daily quiet moments have determined so much of my life and my attitude about motherhood.
Nap time matters.
My attitude towards nap time has varied a lot over these past five years, actually I take that back, my attitude changes daily. Everything from feeling inconvenienced that it interrupts the day, to relying on this anchor in our day, irritation that I’m stuck at home and bothered by the silence, to expecting this time to myself and requiring the silence, lonely and bored, to actually feeling like myself and being in my element, counting down the moments until nap time starts, dreading the moment they wake up, rigid, to flexible, lazy and draining to productive and life giving and the list could go go on and on. The point is, these hours have housed many differing feelings, most of them at war with each other, but at the root the commonalities are expectations and entitlement. My attitude reveals a lot about what I believe about my children, myself and my God and wow, I’ve been learning a lot about who I am at my core and the depths of my beliefs.
Nap time matters.
I believe my children are absolute gifts. They make up what I call my family, they take up so much space in my heart and many of my day to day joys are because of them. They are undeserved blessings and beautiful rewards. They are precious to me, but so much more than me, this is God’s view of them and I believe this, because God does.
Psalm 127:3 says, Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Does my attitude align with this? Do my actions agree? Does my heart truly believe this? I want to shout YES! I believe this, but there are many days, when the middle of the day hits and my thoughts beg to disagree. And while I would never say it out loud or even explicitly think this thought, sometimes the theme of my mind is that my children are burdens. This crushes me. It is so easy to grumble, complain and get frustrated sometimes, even just in my own head, without even realizing I am participating in this belief or recognizing the repercussions. This has caused me to pause and meditate a lot on my inner thoughts and the ways they are even subconsciously shaping me. A burden is not what my children are to me and this is not how I am meant to view them. I am meant to cherish them both in action and in the depths of my thoughts on good days and hard days alike. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
I mentioned above that entitlement was a root I identified in many of my “nap time” feelings over the years (also present in several other areas of my mothering, marriage and life as well). Usually when frustration sets in, it is either because I feel like I am not getting what I deserve or my expectations are not being met, which again is feeling like I deserve what I expected. Sleep, rest and even quiet moments are very important to our physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing but there is nowhere in the Bible that says we deserve this.
There will always be situations that my expectations and my heart of entitlement will be challenged. Life is hard, motherhood is hard, marriage is hard, feeling exhausted, overstimulated, and always responsible is hard, but there is another way. There is beauty in the fact that I have a choice in the way I respond and it is the way of God. It is knowing that HE is able to give me everything I need, it is knowing that he truly gives me the grace to view my life and my kids the way he does and that he is causing deep growth and sanctification even in the little nap time moments.
Nap time matters.
When my heart longs to escape, I am reminded that, Whatever I do, I am to work at it with all my heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. (Colossians 3:23) I am amazed that God knows us so well to remind us that even when our bodies and minds know, obey and praise him, our hearts need to be guided into submission with Christ as the motivation.
My prayer for myself and for you friend, wether it is nap time or a completely different area of your life, that when you feel your heart leaning into entitlement, expectation and escape that you would know that each of those moments are shaping you. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
God is so very gracious with me, but he also holds me to a high standard and deserves all glory as I live this life he has granted me, so I commit the next 4000 hours of nap time in my future to checking my attitudes and thoughts and aligning with His.
Nap time matters.
adorning the heart 